I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
