My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
