can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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