she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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