When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
