when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize