woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
