So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
