his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
