remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
