Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
