No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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