so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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