I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
