you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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