I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
