But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize