you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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