I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
