Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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