Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
