This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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