how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
