you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
