Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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