I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
