I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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