I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
