This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
