hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
