YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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