you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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