Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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