He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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