Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize