sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
