should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
