i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
