We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
