he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
