Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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