And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize