rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was CRYING into my vagina
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
