Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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