The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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