I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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