The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize