Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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