Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
