even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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