Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
