there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
