We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
