Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
