Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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