Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
