Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
