Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
