Slut skills are useful in every country.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have fence marks all over my body
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
