Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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