I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
