so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
