she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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