i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
