508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
