its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
