I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
