Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
