I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
