friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
