you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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