I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this just has baby written all over it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I touched a dick in church today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
