I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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