I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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