I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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