Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
