Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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