she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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