broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
