This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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