he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
