I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
