we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
