problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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