Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
