I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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