She is in my trunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
