i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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