He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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