So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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