We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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