This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize