I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
