lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize