I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
